Category: Being Awesome

RIP, My Lovely Scarf

April 25, 2014 / enroutetoawesome / 3 Comments

By Gem

I didn’t write a post yesterday, because I had a HORRIBLE afternoon. I’m tired and lurgy, so I was in no mood to go to my Tea Ceremony lesson, but I decided to be stern with myself (it’s a few hours out of my afternoon, it’s not that demanding an activity, the serene atmosphere would make me feel better, etc). So, when work ended, I wrapped myself in my scarf and coat, trudged to the station and plonked onto the Kinomoto train, where I sat in an unhappy daze with my scarf beside me… until I stood up and left it on the train!

And it was THAT scarf! My soft blue, lamb’s wool scarf that Kin chose the yarn for. My second-ever knitting project! I only finished it a few weeks ago, on the way back from Tokyo and it’s already gone.

I actually DID remember my scarf before the train got away, so I raced back along the platform with a JR employee and scoured the carriages for it, but some rotten sod had whipped it in the time it took us to get back there! I hoped so much that they’d simply picked it up to hand in to lost property, but it was not to be.

Tea Ceremony was a sad experience that day. Not only had it cost me my lovely scarf, lugging my bag around had given me a headache and I was far too wooly-headed and unhappy to actually learn anything. By seven, I decided that the day was a write-off, so I bid my sensei farewell and left early to catch the seven thirty train.

…and missed it. So I had an hour to sit scarfless in the cold, reflecting on how much nicer everything would be right then if I’d been less strong willed and had just gone home when I wanted to. Now I wasn’t going to be home until nine AND I still had to make dinner and wash my hair. As far as first-world problems go, I was suffering badly last night.

Kin, thankfully, knows how to put me back together, so I didn’t have time to take off my coat before he bundled me off for steak and cheap wine at the imitation Italian joint down the road (bless him). A decanter of dodgy white is generally all it takes to improve my outlook (not to mention my headache) so I felt much better about the world before very long at all.

So what was the take-away from my unhappy evening (since “wine makes everything better!” is probably not a good moral)?

While I was still shivering in the dark, I thought that the moral to this story was that if you really, really don’t want to do something, you’re a lot better off not doing it. Revived by steak and sauvignon blanc, I still broadly agreed with that point of view, but could remember what that tired, chilly Gem could not; that the whole reason I’d dragged myself out was because I’ve been not-doing far too much lately! So maybe the lesson is really that it’s important to determine and maintain acceptable levels of activity, so that you don’t have to force yourself to do things when it genuinely is a bad time for you.

I actually like the second moral, even if it’s not very catchy, but I thought of an even better one today. I was really very, very sad about my scarf; I treasure my clothes and homewares, because I don’t have a lot of money to spend on that sort of thing. When that’s the case, and something happens to one of your possessions, it’s something of a tragedy. This time is different. I loved my scarf; it was lovely, soft and expensive, but…

I can make another one.

A good scarf is bloody hard to find. Actual wool scarves cost a fortune and even finding a decently pretty acrylic is a matter of waiting until a shop finally has what you want and snapping it up the second it goes on sale (if it does). And if you lose it or stain it, it’s gone. You can’t have that scarf again. You have to resume waiting for the next pretty thing to turn up and hope that you have the money for it.

But my scarf wasn’t irreplaceable. Hours went into making it, but I was learning the entire time and now I know I can make it again; much, MUCH faster. I no longer have to wait for someone to design and produce a scarf for me at a price I can afford. It might not seem like much, but it shows how important it can be to an individual to develop a bit of independence in the production process.

(I’m trying to avoid the “teach a man to fish” parable here, but it just keeps seeming more appropriate with every word.)

This has made me more determined than ever to beg Beans for sewing lessons, stock up on crochet hooks and practice my knitting. Back when everyone could make things, I suppose store-bought items were a luxurious option. Now, though, we’re uncomfortably reliant on them; and the quality is dropping. Otherwise, why can no woman in the world find a blouse that is the right size for her knockers AND her waist? Not to mention opaque enough not to show her bra?

I don’t think we should all stop buying things; humans have always produced and traded goods, even when we were just doing it within our own villages. Our village is a lot larger now, but I love our interconnected world and I have no wish at all to shut myself away from it. I just think that it’s important for individuals (and communities) to keep their options open. In this case, if we had a little more independence when it came to making our own basic clothing, the products on the market would probably reflect the change.

Now think: If a certain amount of independence is important for luxuries like pretty clothing, how much more important must it be for things like housing and food? And how capable are you of separating yourself from the marketplace for both?

I’m not, very. When we’re in Australia, I produce a lot of the vegetables we eat, but when it comes to grains, meat and fruit, we’re totally reliant on outside providers. And I’m a fairly accomplished cook, so foodwise, we’re more independent than most.

I don’t actually mind buying most of my food; I’m pretty sure the dude who made the best flint tools traded for a lot of his as well. But I’m very glad that I don’t need to depend on anyone else to turn those raw materials into meals for me. And it worries me how much other people my age DO seem to need it.

But when it comes to housing, I am hopeless. Both of my parents are competent with their hands, but I’m utterly useless. Carpentry is something I’ve desperately wanted to learn for years, just not desperately enough to do more about than search for local courses a few times a year and give up when I don’t find any. I should have bought a book, gone to open days at Bunnings or hired a carpenter to teach me some of the basics. When I get home, I will do those things, or whatever else needs to be done, and when I hire a specialist, it will be for a specialist job.

I plan on being a lot more independent in future. I will still work within my profession and make money. And with that money, I will still participate in the world’s trading. But I’ll have the ability to be a lot more particular about what I’m buying.

THAT is what my carelessness on the train has taught me. I feel stronger when I think of what I’ve already learned and I feel very, very good about the new things that I will learn and the new independence that will grow from it.

(….but… Oh! My lovely scarf!)

Are you growing, making or otherwise trying to keep a bit of distance between yourself and the markets of the world? How are you working on it?

Gem

On the Boil: The Awesomeness of Soup

April 20, 2014 / enroutetoawesome / 6 Comments

By Gem

Now Australia is beginning to settle into autumn, and the spring days here in Japan maintain their chill… Now, it is time to sing the song of soup.

O Soup, the nourishing
Soup, the tasty
O, Soup, ye friend of the poor and saviour of the lazy…

… not to mention, Soup, the best way I know of getting rid of whatever’s going leggy in the garden, or leaky in the fridge. Or, Soup, how you can get five serves of vegetables into one meal, let alone one day. Or even Soup, a really good way of impressing lunch guests without really doing anything.

But none of those really rhyme so well, do they?

Soup and Scheduling

I’ve spoken before about the importance of planning when you’re trying to keep your diet properly balanced. If you’re generally lazy (I am!), busy (I am!), or just someone who can’t always be trusted to make decisions like a grownup (I am!), but you still want to keep everyone properly fed during the week, then you need to organise your kitchen ahead of time.

Soup is central to my day-to-day organisation. If you always keep a jug of soup and a bottle of salad dressing in the fridge, you will always have a lovely, vege-ful meal half organised before you even get home from work.

This is great for those days when you just plain don’t feel like cooking or discover you have unexpected guests on a night you were planning to make scrambled eggs on toast. With about three minutes extra work, your scrambled eggs become an omelette, and you have soup, salad and toast ready to go with it! Salads and soups travel quite happily to work with you and will turn your lunchtime sandwich into a real meal. It also helps you feel better about those days when you haven’t prepared, but you’re already exhausted and just buy a barbequed chicken and some bread rolls on your way home from work. You’re still giving everyone a decent, balanced meal, you’re just not killing yourself to do it at a time when you just don’t have the energy.

Soup is also another arrow in my quiver against the Healthy-Food-Costs-More brigade.

Getting Organised

Soup and salad dressing are both very simple to make. I shake up my salad dressing in an old squeezy-top mustard bottle that Kin washes out each time we empty it (about every month or so) and store it in the fridge. Just find an old jar, dump in a couple of tablespoons of a nice vinegar (we like a very acidic red wine vinegar), about double that of oil, salt, pepper and any additives that take your fancy (I often add about a tablespoon of Dijon mustard, crushed garlic or some parmesan shavings), shake it up and boom; vinaigrette dressing ready whenever you want it. Just give it another shake when it’s time to squoodge some out.

(Here are some rather more precise recipes if you’re nervous about that sort of thing. Or you can simply buy a nice, low kilojoule salad dressing to keep on hand).

On the whole, though, it’s even easier to construct a soup than it is to make a salad dressing, and it’s a lot more impressive to visitors.

Basic Soup No 1: Green Velvet

This soup is Kin’s favourite; it’s also the easiest soup I know! A basic soup like this just needs vegetables and stock. I usually use a liquid chicken stock for my soups, but there are no real rules when it comes to soup. If you are vegetarian, use vegetable stock. If you can’t make liquid stock (I’m not very good at it, either) or afford to buy it, use cubes from the supermarket. Don’t fret too much about getting things right; it’s soup. Soup will forgive you for just about anything.

Ingredients:

1 head of broccoli, divided into small florets, stem chopped
1 bunch of spinach, washed
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed or finely chopped
2 largeish potatoes, peeled and chopped into cubes
1.2 litres of stock (or whatever. If you like a thicker soup, use less. If thinner, use more)
Splash of olive oil
Herbs or seasonings (see variation). Today’s herbs for us are oregano, thyme and rosemary.

Method:

Heat the oil in a saucepan and brown the onion and garlic over a low-medium heat until softened (probably more than five minutes, probably less than ten. Again, it’s soup; don’t worry so much). Add the potato and stir fry for 2-3 minutes (if adding dried herbs, this is a good time. This is also when I add hard herbs like rosemary), then pour in the stock. Bring to the boil, and then simmer for about fifteen minutes, or until the potato is tender. Add the broccoli (and any other fresh herbs), simmer for about four minutes or until broccoli is tender, then add spinach. Stir through and turn off heat.

Liquify soup using a stick blender, food processor, or whatever you have on hand. If you don’t have any of those things, go to an op shop or a pawn shop and buy one. I don’t care how broke you are. Being able to make soup is going to save you more money than a second-hand stick blender could possibly cost you.

Pour soup into bowls and serve, or into containers to store in the fridge. I sometimes pop a swirl of cream in each bowl, but it isn’t necessary. This soup reheats quite happily in the microwave and keeps for over a week in the fridge.

Variation: Leave out the herbs and instead add half a teaspoon of cumin at the end of cooking. Serve each bowl with a blob of natural yoghurt

This soup can also be made with any sort of vegies you have lying around, like carrot, beans, zucchini and any sort of leafy greens. Just simmer hard veg for longer and add leafy veg toward the end of cooking time. If you like a thick soup, add more potato. If you like a thin soup, add more stock. However you make it, it will always be delicious. It will also be cheap and give you a hefty serve of vitamins and fibre with every verdant bowlful.

What other sort of soup recipes would you like to see? Or does anyone have a good recipe of their own? I’ll be back in my garden soon and I’ll be on the lookout for nice ones.

Happy souping!

Gem

The Best Things in Life…

March 31, 2014 / enroutetoawesome / 5 Comments

Today we’re off on holiday! The plan for this post was just a couple of quick, merry little paragraphs (mostly as an excuse to show you photos!) detailing our early start, breakfast in Gion, then our cheery voyage aboard a JR highway bus, getting us to Tokyo station at about five thirty in the afternoon. A relaxed check-in, a little stroll, a pleasant dinner and then a gentle evening spent chatting, writing, sorting out the day’s photos and drinking our wine underneath the cherry blossoms in Ueno Park before hitting the frantic scramble of the city the next day. It was a good plan.

Instead, it’s rained all day, breakfast was McDonalds, our bus was late, there were landslides in the mountains, Kin was poisoned by a highly suspicious roadside Pluto Pup and, typing this at eight thirty at night, I am STILL on this goddamn bus, stuck in a traffic jam outside a city I’m HOPING is Tokyo, cramped, cold and getting crankier by the second.

Well, I was. I’m still stuck, that’s true, but I’m feeling a little more cheerful about it thanks to an even crankier email I’ve just read from a friend in Oz, detailing woes renovating, with a newly mobile baby in the house…

…And I started laughing at both of us. Honestly, there I was, grumpy about being en route to one of the most exciting cities in the world and there she was, cranky about her healthy child’s typical development and her house becoming lovely. People as lucky as we are shouldn’t feel so cranky!

Gratitude

Feeling a lot more relaxed, I settled back into my (still kind of uncomfortable) seat and started giving some thought to gratitude. Why does it make such a difference to happiness? Not to mention, why is gratitude so essential for being awesome?

Mostly, I suppose, because being grateful for good things helps you to accept how much they cost. Right now, I am fatigued, uncomfortable and getting chillier by the second… but I get an amazing trip out of it, so I’m happy. The best things in life may be free when it comes to money, but there will always be some sort of sacrifice needed, of comfort, time or other resources. Without being grateful for the rewards these sacrifices earn you, though, you’re more likely to find the costs unacceptable… and so good things will come to you less and less frequently.

Accepting the costs

Being grateful for the fun you have at a party is great; it means that you accepted the awkwardness and boredom of the first half hour. Being thankful for the daffodils is a result of your choice to go for a walk instead of being sedentary. Appreciating a good dinner helps you accept the time spent preparing it. And once you get used to these sacrifices, they become part of the joy.

See, that’s the part where I think a lot of people get the wrong idea about gratitude. They think it’s a passive thing, where you simply choose to accept with joy what the world has given you… and leave it at that. Now that’s fine, as far as it goes, (and it’s certainly better than being a miserable wanker about everything) but it’s really only a very basic first step. Gratitude isn’t passive. It’s a choice and a force. What do you do when you’re grateful to a person? You thank them and you and try to return the favour. You DO things! Gratitude is very, very active. In fact, just hanging around waiting for nice things to happen seems pretty UNgrateful to me. Simply by virtue of being when and where we are, we have been given immense opportunities for joy and growth.

Active Gratitude

Life has many gifts for us, but the gifts won’t just happen, even if you have been lucky so far. To keep on getting, you have to keep on doing. Even if it’s just making the decision to stay on top of your bad mood; you can’t be grateful for the violets near your feet if you’re scowling at rainclouds.

If you’re happy now, there are probably still things you can do to ensure your future has gifts to be appreciated (I’m thinking bone-density and financial security, ladies. Get that load-bearing exercise on and review your expenditures; it’s never too late!) If you’re not happy now, do something to be grateful for. Stand up right now, stretch as high as you can and then try to bring your chin to your knees. Hold that for twenty seconds, then straighten up (bend your knees as you straighten if you have issues with your back). Do that three more times. Feel good? Not yet? Okay, do it again tomorrow. Keep doing it for a week and I guarantee you’ll have something to be grateful for, as you recognise your increased gluteal strength and flexibility. Every time you do that simple thing, you are doing something awesome.

When Activity is Hard

If you’re depressed, never learned, or are just plain out of the habit of looking after yourself, it can be difficult to experience these everyday rewards (I’m talking mild-moderate depression here; if you’re in the middle of a serious episode, some chick talking to you on the internet probably won’t be helpful; you need to see your healthcare professionals and keep working on your plan). So, instead of telling you to look around for reasons to be grateful, I want you to look around for reasons why you’re awesome. But you can’t tell me things you are (I’m smart, I’m friendly, etc) you can only tell me things you’ve done. Five of them. Five awesome things you’ve done since you got up this morning.

And don’t tell me “Nothing”. I don’t believe you. I’ve been on this bloody bus all day, but I reckon I can still scrape out five. Yours will be much better. What have you done?

“Um… I watered the pot plants” YES! You’ve done something to ensure the continued existence of another being AND maintain your own environment’s liveliness and joy. What else? “I…. um… I let someone in ahead of me on the roundabout.” BRILLIANT! You demonstrated kindness and consideration at a particularly stressful time of day. What else have you done? Did you make breakfast? Shave? Wash the dishes? Pick best five and chuck them on your list.

“But I do that stuff every day!” So COUNT it every day! If you don’t think it’s good enough for your list, count it anyway and keep counting it until you have something else that bumps it out of the top five. THIS STUFF MATTERS.

If you’re depressed, just getting dressed might be enough to make it to your list. If you’re an alcoholic, not drinking is the best possible action you can take. We can’t measure this list against anything that other people are doing, it all has to be just us. And every day, we need to make five. I know that sometimes it can be hard to make yourself achieve anything in a day, let alone five things. But really, if you’re already miserable, then doing things won’t make you any less happy, will it? And by giving yourself things to be grateful for, you’re making happiness so, so much more likely.

My Awesome Five

I’ll admit, my mojo is kind of being hampered by this bus, but I’m still not without resources. My five things from today are:

1- I’ve stretched at each rest stop, so I wouldn’t get headaches.

2- I successfully blow-dried my hair out of its usual dead-seaweed tendencies (still a very new and unreliable skill for me) so I still look human.

3- I’ve kept my temper all day despite being sleepy and cranky, so Kin and Shallow still love me.

4- I’ve answered an email and made my cranky friend laugh (she feels much less cranky now).

5- I’ve written a blog post about doing five awesome things!

What are your five awesome things? Did you cook something? Make something? Plant something? Help someone?

Leave your awesome things in the comments. I’d love to see what you’re doing!

Gem

Edit II: If you can’t find the “Comments” box, try clicking on the heading “The Best Things In Life” so that you’re actually in the post. Then you should be able to see comments at the bottom.

It also seems that the reason some of you are PMing me your five things is that sometimes an error message comes up when you try to comment. I’ll do my best to fix it, but in the meantime, I’m told that just refreshing a couple of times should do the trick.

I really need to learn some HTML, damn it.

Edit: This was actually completed on Wednesday, and was supposed to be uploaded the same day, but issues with batteries, camera cards, hotel wifi, and the generalized insanity of Tokyo meant that it was much, MUCH easier to just wait until we were back in Shiga. Also, a more complete album of the Penis Festival is now available on our Facebook Page.

Being Awesome Part II

March 3, 2014 / enroutetoawesome / 3 Comments

By Gem

Part One is available here.

Okay, ready for step two?

Stop Feeling Like A Jerk

In Part One, we discussed how a bit of self-criticism can improve your relationship with others. Now we’re going to look at how self-criticism can improve your relationship with yourself. Today’s the day I want you to take a long, hard, critical look at yourself… and love what you see.

I’m Sorry

Oh god, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. One second….

I’m a bit jaded on the topics of self love and self acceptance just now, because of the nasty, self-adoring fetishism that’s currently passing for both online. There seems to be a real push at the moment to avoid the unpleasant, indulge all desires and cling to every flaw as a virtue; after all, it’s a facet of our totally wonderful selves!

I could not possibly agree less with this nauseating dreck, but will still happily admit that accepting and loving yourself is 100% essential for anyone with the urge to be awesome. You just have to love yourself right.

The Bad Boss

Have you ever had a really, really horrible boss?

The kind who hang over your shoulder every minute, eager for you to make a mistake? Then, when you do slip up, insult you instead of helping you and make you so nervous and unhappy that you dread going to work? How much did you get done working under a boss like that?

Conversely, how much more have you achieved with a good boss and a more supportive atmosphere?

The good boss is aware that you have weaknesses (like shyness and inexperience) and uses that knowledge to help you overcome your troubles. They applaud your successes and help you not to fail. In such a supportive environment, it’s easy to achieve and it’s easy to recover from mistakes.

The bad boss is also aware that you have weaknesses and loves to draw attention to them. In fact, if you don’t have enough weaknesses for their satisfaction, they’ll help you to create some (like anxiety and defensiveness). The bad boss ignores your successes, but is thrilled when you fail, rendering that failure more and more likely with every day. In such an antagonistic environment, achievement is almost impossible and recovering from mistakes becomes very, very difficult.

Don’t be the bad boss. Not even to yourself.

Being The Bad Boss

Being the bad boss is miserable. It’s setting yourself up for self-hatred based in lies. Unhappiness lies to you about what you can do and how you’re perceived by others. Loneliness lies. Fatigue, hunger and boredom lie. And depression lies worst of all.

Being the bad boss is also impractical. People who don’t love themselves don’t get anything done! If you’re constantly focused on what’s wrong (I’m a lazy, awkward frump with no skills, bad breath and a terrible haircut”) then it isn’t really any surprise that you don’t care to do much for such a loser. What would be the point?

This is where the infuriating, self-worshipping gunk plastered all over the internet at the moment is right; you do need to love yourself. And this does include the parts of you that need improving. Where it is wrong, wrong, WRONG, is in suggesting that this is where the journey ends. Loving yourself isn’t important because of internet warm fuzzies. It’s important because of what it makes you DO. You can trumpet to the skies how much you love your scatty brain/ messy house/ alcoholic tendencies, but deep down you know better. Which means that, deep down, you’re still unhappy.

This is why your truthful self-analysis is vital. If you’re being the bad boss, dishonestly focusing your reflection time ONLY on negatives, then you’ll hate yourself and do nothing. But if the way you choose to love yourself also causes you to do nothing, that’s almost as harmful!

Being the Good Boss

In the past, I’ve told you not to go around assuming you deserve things. Today, I’m telling you not to assume that you don’t!

Confused? Stick with me, this actually does make sense.

The trouble isn’t really your conviction that you deserve something. It’s what that conviction causes you to do. If people think too much about their rights to things, they lose their impetus for action. They deserve whatever it is, damn it, so other people had better bloody make it happen.

But thinking that they don’t deserve things also destroys a person’s ability to act if they’re hanging over their own shoulder being the bad boss. Kick that bad boss away! This is the time where you do get to think about what you deserve. But I’m not talking about eating pizza or quitting your lousy job. I’m talking about real things, the things that get left out of the Tumblr circle-jerk.

Self-love does not mean indulging your own every whim. Self-love is recognising your desires (for example, good health, enjoyable work and a happy home) and then loving yourself enough to do what is necessary to achieve those desires!

Think of the respect the good boss gives you. They’re encouraging and supportive. They want you to be happy. But they don’t give you a book, a beanbag and a bar of chocolate and tell you to have a nice time. They expect you to work. And you should expect that too!

People work hard to do things like build a house, raise a child, create a business or maintain a marriage. And all of these things have made people very happy. But they also involve a lot of unpleasantness and difficulty. If you’ve thought hard about yourself and your desires, it becomes a lot easier to grit your teeth and get through the hard parts, because you understand the rewards will be worth it.

Expecting the Unrealistic

I know it isn’t necessarily that easy to just look at every part of yourself and love it. Most people avoid thinking about their flaws and hence, when they are forced to face them, they seem far more heinous than they would in another person. Relax. Deep down, most of us are pretty dreadful. But luckily, we’re all pretty awesome as well. You fit right in.

Your problem probably boils down to just one thing: Unrealistic expectations. There are two forms of these and both of them are bloody dangerous. There’s Form A, otherwise known as:

I Hate Myself

Look at all of the awesome things everyone else is experiencing while I’m not doing anything. Everyone I know has a better job/ prettier children/ nicer holidays. I suck.

Form A is what happens when you have unrealistic expectations of yourself. If you don’t understand yourself well enough to know what it is you want from your life, it’s impossible to determine whether or not you’ve achieved it. In that state, it’s easiest to look at what other people are doing as guidance for what you should be doing as well.

Trouble is, all of those people are doing different things! Some of them are travelling the world, some of them are having babies, some of them are volunteering in distant places, some of them are staying home and achieving amazing things in their fields. You can’t possibly keep up with the achievements of absolutely everyone you know, so instead you wander around feeling constantly dissatisfied, no matter how many good things there are in your life.

Or you could have Form B, otherwise knows as:

I Hate Everyone Else

I’m an amazing person so good things should happen to me. If they don’t, it’s because society and the people around me are shallow and superficial and only care about money and prominent abdominal muscles.

Form B occurs when you have unrealistic expectations of the world. It’s not wrong to believe good things about yourself. You probably are a truly nice person.

BUT WHO THE HELL ISN’T?

Have you honestly met that many people who aren’t nice? And has the world rewarded them with riches, fame and incredible sex lives? Nope. Because being a nice person is the default setting for life in a human society. It is literally the least we can do.

On the bright side, that means we can usually depend on other people to be nice as well. On the bummer side of the ledger, though, is the fact that there are no special rewards for being nice, other than our fellow humans continuing to allow us to be near them. To get the extra goodies, we need to do extra things.

Some Form B people manage to think that far and try to do the extra things, but don’t necessarily get the goodies they’d like. That’s because their expectations are still unrealistic, like “Once I’m thin, everyone will love me,” or “If I get this law degree, I’ll be rich.” And when these things turn out not to be true, they promptly arrive at Form A via the long road, with a hearty dose of self-loathing to get them started.

Actually, I think most of us tend to combine Form A and Form B, depending on the state of our self esteem at a given time. But whichever one you pick, you’re going to be miserable, and miserable people aren’t very good at loving themselves.

Fear not! None of this is inevitable! Unrealistic expectations of any sort are caused by lack of self-understanding. And that means that you’ll be completely cured by a healthy bout of honest self-analysis (INCLUDING self-criticism). Fortunately, wiping out the unrealistic expectations makes it much easier to love yourself; and loving yourself makes it much easier to get rid of the expectations!

Staying Real

When you are trying to honestly assess who you are and where you’re going, try and do these three things:

1- Look at the big picture

Sometimes we need to be gentle with ourselves. Sometimes it’s better to have a glass of wine, rather than go to an evening class. Sometimes it’s better to rest and let the dog go unwalked or the children unwashed for one day. SOMETIMES.

But please don’t be so gentle with yourself that “sometimes” starts to become “mostly”. If you aren’t moving toward the things you desire, then you’re waiting for someone to given them to you. And is that really very likely?

2- Measure your progress against yourself

“My friend just ran a full marathon!” Well good for them! But you learned to make Pad Thai, so good for you, too. Don’t judge the worth of your accomplishments by what others do, judge them by how far you’ve come. Your achievements will make you greater, so it’s safe to take joy in those of your loved ones. They do not diminish you.

3- Don’t make excuses!

It’s okay to not want to do things sometimes, even when those things are good for you. It’s also okay to want to do other things which aren’t good for you. What’s not okay is when you try to sell those feelings to yourself by blaming your long day, sore knee or lazy spouse!

There is no need to try and eliminate your imperfections, or hide them behind a wall of denial and shame. If you examine them in the light, there are usually ways to work with them. But if you’re nurturing your feelings at the expense of your development, that’s not loving yourself. It’s killing yourself.

Basically…

You can’t be awesome if you think you’re rubbish. Accepting and loving who you are is one of the first and most vital steps of your journey.

Just never forget; it is a journey. And without regular, honest self-criticism, even those first steps are going to be impossible. Don’t criticize yourself too gently; you deserve more respect than that. But don’t dwell on your failings, either. Sure critics can be harsh sometimes. But other times, they give rave reviews.

On with the show!

Gem

Happy New Year!

January 1, 2014 / enroutetoawesome / 2 Comments

By Gem

What a year it was and what a year it will be!

There we were in January 2013, huddled in our new(ish) Japanese apartment, sick, isolated, wretchedly cold and watching cloudy grey skies dump another few feet of snow on our already-buried bicycles (not to mention our defunct kitchen herbs). Venturing outside was frozen torment, while staying inside was chilly, miserable and soggy! The only place to find relief from the cold was the bathtub, but even this wasn’t safe. Both of us were so ill, the hot water made us horribly dizzy and, on at least one memorable occasion, almost knocked out a struggling Kin (who was running a spectacular fever at the time).

Here we are, in January 2014, in the same apartment in the same town, with the same grim skies dropping the same white stuff on us in big, crunchy drifts. We’ve even had very near facsimiles of the same viruses! But in 2013, we gradually learned things we needed to know to work with the situation. And this year, we’re warm, happy and having a great time!

We learned how to dress. Such an obvious thing to Northern Hemisphere folk, but a total mystery to two clueless Australians, whose usual response to winter is to simply pop a coat over their regular clothes. Here, we had to learn how to add layer upon layer before we stick the coat on top, then carefully plugging up all of the gaps with gloves, woolly scarves, mufflers, big socks, hats… you get the idea. It’s a complex process and we were starting from scratch, adding one element at a time, desperate to escape the horrible, face-freezing, bone-hurting cold outside. This year, our apartment is toasty warm, thanks to Kin developing sealing techniques with foam tape and our discoveries of various active heating methods, involving location changes, sunlight, cooking warmth and a small, very well-researched kerosene heater. Our most valuable plants are enjoying above-zero temperatures in a sunny space indoors and, importantly, we’ve learned that it is impossible to get around in snow without boots. Now that we know about boots and about which back roads regularly see the snowplough, isolation is no longer a problem.

The rather laboured point I’m trying to make here is that, during unhappy times, it isn’t always your situation that’s the problem. Once you’ve learned how to deal with a situation, a lot of the problems will vanish. Last year we were suffering. This year we aren’t. All that has changed is what we know and do. And the reason I’m making this point now, is that the internet is currently full of joy and optimism regarding the New Year (which is great!) together with happy certainty that this year everything will be different (which is NOT!)

This time next year, Kin and I will have left Japan behind, to return to Australia. On the outside, everything will be different. But when you look at our basic situation, nothing is going to change. We’ll still be married, so we’ll still spend each day experiencing the rewards (and demands) of life with another person. We’ll still need to earn money, maintain our home, nurture ourselves and manage our growth. And we’ll need to learn the skills and the information necessary for us to be able to do those things in the manner that we choose.

Were you suffering in 2013? What do you need to learn so that you don’t have to suffer any more? If you have no money for things that you need, perhaps you need to learn from a financial advisor. If you are miserable in your job, perhaps you need to learn work skills that will allow you to leave. If you are surrounded by people who are unkind to you, perhaps you need a counsellor or a sympathetic friend who will help you learn that you deserve kindness.

There is no need for you to suffer this year. You have the right to be happy. It is GOOD that you are full of joy and hope; a new year has just begun and wonderful things ARE going to happen in it. But that’s because we’re going to make them happen.

Don’t say to yourself “This year, things will be different.” Say “This year, I will be different!”

2014 is going to be an amazing year, because all of us together are going to MAKE it amazing! We will be positive! We will set goals! We will love and be loved! What will you learn?

Bring on the new year!

Gem

Being Awesome Part I

August 15, 2013 / enroutetoawesome / 1 Comment

By Gem

You ready? Step one:

Stop Acting Like a Jerk

“I do not act like a jerk. I am a very nice person!”

Was that your response to that heading? Well you probably are a very nice person. But you may still act like a jerk. Acting like a jerk is easier than you think and it’s a condition that both Lazy and Busy People are likely to suffer from.

To illustrate:

Do you ever feel as though no matter how much you give, people still want more?

“But I worked so hard cleaning up the kitchen this morning, I DESERVE to relax for one afternoon!” Really? Maybe that’s true. But why was the work so hard, O Lazy One? Was it because you were doing an extra thorough job (skirting boards, windows, under the fridge) after a big cooking event like a party? Or was it because you left the dirty dishes for almost a week and hadn’t mopped the floor since January?

Guess what? Other people won’t reward you for completing a difficult job, when you are the reason it was difficult.

Do you ever feel as though people don’t appreciate your efforts?

“But I always work later than everybody else! I don’t DESERVE to be hassled about one late report!” Possibly that’s the case. But why do you stay later, O Busybody? Do you have too many tasks to complete during your working hours (despite everyone else managing just fine)? Or do you spend hours on pointless activities with no aim in mind? Activities like creating seminars with no learning outcomes? Writing 1000 word emails to colleagues, when one line with a link would have sufficed? Spending two hours smearing a grubby cloth over every window, so that someone now has to re-polish EVERY-SINGLE-PANE?

Guess what? Other people won’t credit you for work they can’t see the relevance of. Especially if you haven’t completed work they do see as relevant.

Perhaps you feel as though people aren’t trying to understand the real you?

“But I’m a good person. I shower every day, remember my mother’s birthday and feel really bad about third world problems. I DESERVE to have people like me/sleep with me/talk to me at parties.”

This one could be Lazy or Busy, but either way, guess what? Other people won’t credit you for your virtues until they’ve seen some evidence.

If you are someone who tends to think about what you deserve, there are two things you need to know. The first is that “just one” never means just one, and the person you are talking to knows it, even if you don’t.

The second is that you are acting like a jerk.

I’m… I’m what?

It’s okay. Acting like a jerk doesn’t mean you ARE a jerk. It just means that you’ve been a bit too focused on yourself up to now. Don’t feel bad about it; you didn’t know any better and from here on in, we’re going to work on that. Okay? Deep breath.

Not acting like a jerk: 101

Basically, not acting like a jerk means accepting and fulfilling your responsibilities; including your responsibilities to yourself. This is the first step toward awesomeness, but unfortunately, it’s not a fast or easy one.

To accept your responsibilities you first have to work out what they are. And that can be hard. It can be especially hard to dissociate responsibilities from the tasks you need to complete to fulfill them.

For example: You may have the personal responsibility of making certain that your clothes are clean. You can achieve this in several different ways. You could:

Keep a limited wardrobe and do your washing every couple of days
Purchase a more extensive wardrobe and do your washing once a week
Keep a limited wardrobe and go to extra lengths to keep your clothing fresh
Arrange a washing service to pick up your dirty clothing and deliver it after washing

You get the idea? I’m sure you could come up with even more ways to discharge this responsibility, depending on time, disposable income and personal inclination. In each case, though, the task you complete (washing your clothing, calling the washing service, buying new clothes) is not your final responsibility. It is merely the means to fulfill it. And that brings us to the next (possibly most important) point:

Effort doesn’t matter. Results do.

Actually, that isn’t 100% correct. Effort is very important in terms of your personal development. But the key word there is personal. It is unfair to expect other people to give you credit for effort the effort you put in, if the results they see are unsatisfactory.

That is why no-one is impressed with you for organizing the stationary drawer, even if it did take you two hours. No one asked for that. What they did ask for was for you to serve customers and wipe the sink in the break room. Which you didn’t do. Because you were expending so much effort on something else.

Effort doesn’t matter. Results do.

That’s also why your housemates still want you to wash the dishes, even after you’ve spent the entire day finally cleaning your crap out of the living room. The mess was yours. You have now cleaned it. Congratulations. You have now achieved the state that the room would have been in had you never entered it. You are NOT in positive credits for that. You are not even at neutral, since they had to live in your mess for a week. The net result of you living in that house is still a negative one, even if today’s cleaning did take a lot of effort.

Effort doesn’t matter. Results do.

Okay, those two were pretty extreme examples. But if you are someone who tends to feel unappreciated, overworked or misunderstood (remember the first three examples?) then I’m afraid it is quite possible that you are actually the one acting like a jerk.

Turning effort into result

This is why you need to negotiate your responsibilities, with yourself and with those around you; spouses, colleagues, parents, whoever. Not specific tasks (e.g. Put away the magazines) but responsibilities (e.g. Keep the coffee table clear). If you make it clear that you are negotiating on that basis, people are much more likely to leave you to complete tasks in your own way.

This makes it easier for you to set conditions (e.g. I will wash only those dishes which have been properly scraped and rinsed) and delegate tasks (I will grow sufficient potatoes for household consumption, if you deliver two loads of cow manure to the back yard every winter). This also makes it easier to say “No,” to new responsibilities that others may want you to take on, as well as protest when another person does not fulfill their own.

These discussions are not a one-off event (particularly the ones you have with yourself). As well as negotiating new responsibilities, you will sometimes need to renegotiate or discard old ones (e.g. I used to make your lunch, but you’re seventeen now. Make your bloody own.). And yes, there will be times when you’re unable to fulfill all of your responsibilities. So long as we take it one day at a time, and develop a long enough history of good results (rather than just “doing our best”), people will excuse our off days.

But what do I get?

“You’ve told me how to make other people happy, Gem. But what’s my reward?”

You know you deserve a kicking just for asking that, right? But I guess you need to know. Your reward will actually be 100% selfish and, I guarantee, the best thing ever.

Your reward will be getting what you want.

If you’re a Lazy Person? No more guilt. Ever again. No shame, no avoiding people. And you’ll never be afraid to ask other people for things because you will know that you’ve earned them.

For the Busy? No more stress. Appreciation of your efforts, rather than work piled on work, without getting ahead. No more sudden demands that seem to come out of nowhere.

Not being a jerk is a difficult road. But it’s the only one that, in the long term, will actually let you have what you want. Remember, jerks think about what they deserve. Awesome people think about what they can achieve. If your goal is a free afternoon to spend drinking tea and eating biscuits, stop worrying about how much you deserve it. Start thinking about what you need to do to get it.

I’ll put the kettle on!

Gem
XX

Level Up

August 9, 2013 / enroutetoawesome / 1 Comment

By Kin

Here it is. My “before” and “after” drawings from the program I’ve been endlessly recommending to people.

My first year illustration lecturer was totally and completely right. I just finished the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain exercises that he recommended to me in, like, first semester and yeah. Boom.

I’d been doing it in drips and drabs, and never really got to the meat of it, but recently I found out about, bought and then completed the straight up workbook. And he was totally right.

I 100% should have acted immediately on what he said, but am still super glad that I have now. I have about 80% less of that not knowing how to tackle a drawing feeling, and my cartooning is also better.

It works, it totally works.

I’m also, through it, really beginning to understand what he meant when he pooh-poohed the anime wannabe stuff I was drawing when I first started illustration. That kind of abstraction is just a wrong starting point.

Any form of style is a form of abstraction, and like anything stylized, you have to have an honest understanding of what it’s being abstracted from to do it effectively. I’m finally starting to get that.Be it Anime, western Disney style, or Faustian Ponies you have to learn the core truth of things before you can warp it to your own style. Otherwise, it’s like building dessert from the outside in, making the icing shell and then trying to fill it with cake.So super thanks to my lecturer. I can’t say how awesome having a really good teacher is. I’m still unfolding stuff he taught us and will likely be for the rest of my life.

(TLDR: This program WORKS. It gives you a jump. This jump can be from a complete stop (That’s me! – Gem) or it can be a boost if you’re already moving.)

Thoughts?

Kin
(manly handshake)

On Criticism

July 25, 2013 / enroutetoawesome / 3 Comments

I wasn’t very awesome this morning.

Kin had a rotten day on Monday, and when Kin is miserable, he likes to spread it around with a big shovel. Now that he is feeling more cheerful, I decided to try and raise that issue with him. Unfortunately, while HE might have been calm about it, I obviously wasn’t! I wound up goading him into an argument, which I then kind of won, (which is NEVER a win), so he still has no idea what I was actually talking about, my problem still exists and both of us were upset, miserable and late for work. Not a good start to the day.

I hate arguing with Kin and I hate we’ve both essentially lost the day to something so unproductive. So after two cups of tea and half an hour of sniffling over my computer (God bless Japanese workplaces; you could probably commit suicide at your desk and no-one would react) I decided to stop being a whiny wanker and try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

(That half hour of wallowing felt great, by the way. I’m glad I didn’t skip it.)

Harden up, princess

First, since I’m ahead with my work at the moment, I spent a bit of time reading some “stop-feeling-sorry-for-yourself”-style articles (Mark Manson is good for these). Trying to tackle an issue while you’re still feeling like a victim is a brilliant recipe for delusion and failure, so it’s good to do something that will get you thinking about your own responsibility for a situation first.

So, once I was in the right head space, I started to think about what was actually going on this morning. And when you look at it, I wasn’t REALLY trying to fix a problem; I didn’t try to offer any solutions, after all. I just wanted to criticize Kin because I wanted him to stop doing something I didn’t like. How do I avoid this argument in future? Stop criticizing him.

And that’s it.

I’m going to do it!

Before you freak out, I’m not one of those religious twerps advocating women’s obedience to their husbands; our relationship is still happily feminist (not to mention atheist), so sweet submission would probably frighten Kin badly, not to mention drive me into a straightjacket. I’m speaking from a position of pure self-determination here; criticism clearly doesn’t work, so I need to come up with something that will. However, I’ve made resolves to criticize less in the past and have wound up gritting my teeth for weeks on end, then having a roaring meltdown, which is not helpful. I guess I’ve gotten Kin so used to being criticized, he assumes that in its absence, everything must be okay. So, how can I make sure my needs are being met, without having to resort to criticism?

Well, I’ve come up with something. But it’s just so…. wet. I’m fairly open emotionally, but I’m still a pragmatic person. Sappy, sloppy, self-help book language alternately enrages me (it’s so often used for self-justification) or makes me wince (when it’s so sincere, yet so sugary your teeth ache just reading it).

But I did it anyway. I sat and wrote down exactly what I would need to be able to refrain from criticising. Funnily enough, a lot of it is stuff Kin has begged me to do in the past. Go figure.

Here it is:

I WILL talk more about how things affect me, even if that means having to do really awkward segues or make actual appointments with you.

SO PLEASE be open and receptive when I need to talk. If I become critical or passive-aggressive, please point it out and encourage me to phrase things more productively.

I WILL make requests to have my needs met.

SO PLEASE say “No” or request postponement when you cannot answer these requests. If I am confident you will do that, I will feel confident and safe in asking more often.

I WILL listen and act on your requests and complains without becoming defensive or emotional

SO PLEASE think about your reasons for making them and, if I need to table the topic for a period, allow me to.

I WILL remember that you love me and ascribe positive motivations to your actions. I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

SO PLEASE do the same for me!

I’m actually going to nail that gunk to my wall to remind myself of what I need to do. Looking at it makes me cringe (and I’m CERTAIN it will make Kin cringe too), but difficult times call for drastic measures, and if that means both of us feeling uncomfortable for being wet, New-Age wankers, then so be it. The sacrifice has to be made.

Wish me luck.

Gem

EDIT: I showed it to Kin. It made him cringe.

Menu Planning and Will Power: or, Being Awesome When You Don’t Feel Awesome

July 24, 2013 / enroutetoawesome / 3 Comments

There are days when it’s hard to summon the energy to be awesome. Days you have to drag yourself through. Days you can only manage doing what absolutely has to be done.

If you aren’t careful, these days can turn into years. You can wish your entire life away, one weekday at a time without ever finding a chance to do anything you love. How can we live happily today, while still making sure that tomorrow will be awesome?

Firstly, to be honest, you probably need to step outside your life for a while and make some decisions about where you’re going with it. But that’s a subject for another day. If you’ve already done that and you’re still having days where you can’t just haul up your socks and genki your way through, you might need some help to stay motivated. How do you keep up your awesome when you frankly don’t feel very awesome at all?

The Power of Will

The internet has a lot to say about this. Apparently, it’s all about focus. It’s about how much you want IT (whatever IT is). It’s about being 100% committed to a goal and prepared to make any sacrifice.

It’s about bullshit, basically. Bullshit and having other people iron your shirts. This sales talk/gym bro/ business seminar attitude will not help us manage our responsibilities and nurture our relationships, because it’s all about ME and MY goals. How can I get that? What will this do for ME?

I guess that’s okay if you’re working toward a specific goal for a short period (although I still don’t like it) but it’s no way to live your life. We’re trying to be awesome and part of that is managing our lives like adults, which is a lot more complex than devoting ourselves 100% to one big, shiny outcome (while Mum picks up our socks and buys our protein shakes).

We have a myriad of big, medium and sometimes really tiny goals, scattered across all of the areas of our lives. We need to prepare for that meeting, make that sandwich, email that friend, run that 10km, mop that floor; and so on and so on for the rest of your life. The list is endless and if you try to manage everything on it through sheer force of will you are going to die. I’m not even kidding. A Busy person will try to push through and work themselves to collapse (not to mention a host of stress-related lifestyle diseases) while a Lazy person will burn out fast and never achieve anything again (while developing similar lifestyle diseases through inactivity).

Willpower is for Wimps

Ever heard of a child prodigy? Great! Now, ever heard of an adult prodigy? Exactly. People who think you can rely on force of will to achieve things are people who have someone else managing the hard stuff for them.

Will power is important, but it is also finite. You need to save it for times when you really, really need it. Times when you’re trying to convince yourself to go for a jog on a rainy morning, or trying to get a two-year old to eat three bites of their lunch. The rest of the time you can get by with something simpler, with a far lower energy cost.

You just have to plan. It’s that simple.

Let your energetic, clear-thinking self be the captain, let your less energetic, path-of-least-resistance self follow that lead. If you meet each day with a plan, that’s one less thing you’ll need to worry about.

Limited Choice (and Ultimate Power)

Our first world lives are wonderful. We have so many options available to us and an incredible amount of freedom to make choices. This is a wonderful time and place to be alive. But each decision you make requires that you exercise your will, expend mental energy and reduce your abilities in further decision making! Ever hear of decision fatigue? Choice can be a killer.

The way to continue toward constant personal awesomeness without having a breakdown is to limit these options ahead of time. Plan what you’re going to do, then cut off (almost) all of your escape routes.

And the best place to start doing this is with food. We all eat it, we all buy it and we ALL spend our first years out of home arguing about whose turn it is to cook it and what we should make. Even people who cook for a hobby often hate the chore of making regular meals, because of the amount of variables involved in making a decision.

Nutrition. How many serves of veggies have you eaten today? Are you exercising a lot? Are you sick? Have your period? Now what about these variables for every single other person in the house?

Supply. What’s in the fridge? In the cupboards? Can you be bothered shopping? (side note; a herb and vegetable garden helps you both broaden AND narrow your options here. More nagging on this topic in the future). What needs to be used up? What sort of leftovers will you get from what you make?

Enjoyment. What, actually, would you like to eat? What do the other people who will be eating enjoy? What can you prepare that will make eating together a pleasant experience?

If, when I get home, the question is “What will I make for dinner?”, then I have a BIG problem. I’m exhausted, I’m hungry, I want to eat the first thing I find that doesn’t need any preparation and then I want to watch T.V. for three hours. After THAT I might have some energy to think through better options (although of course then, it’s much too late).

If, however, the question is “What AM I making for dinner?” then I check my menu plan (created on Saturday, when I’m rested and can see glorious freedom stretching out in front of me) and start opening cupboards, chopping vegetables and mixing sauces because a decision has already been made; I just have to carry that decision out. And the sooner I do that, the sooner I get to eat whatever wonderful thing my clever, motivated self decided would be best to bring my dopey, lethargic self back to full power.

It works, too. After a shower and a decent meal, Kin and I are both ready for anything the evening might bring. The other joyous side-effects of menu-planning include:

– Money saved and waste reduced; because you’re actually eating all of your leftovers!

– Increases in speed and skill at both cooking and cleaning up (which means that your menus will gradually become some pretty serious business)

– Increased ability to come up with something good when you do have to invent meals in a hurry.

– You and those you live with will eat healthy, balanced meals every day. Believe someone who has worked in restaurants owned by folk of a variety of ethnicities: Restaurant food is never, ever healthy. Not EVER. I don’t care what you’re eating, grilled fish, steamed veggies, whatever; we have done something to it that makes it unhealthy. It’s what we do. Restaurant cooking is about best flavour achieved in shortest period, which means that we blanch it, keep it in the fridge for a week, then cover it in oil. Home cooking has more options.

Good planning not only helps you organize yourself, it helps you pinpoint times when you might need another person’s help, so you can ask in advance. It lets you understand what resources you will need ahead of time, so you can prepare your work materials better. And finally, it allows you to relax and just enjoy your day, without having to try and be 100% on top of things at all times.

How do you plan? Are there any strategies you use to reduce your dependence on will power?

Gem

EDIT: Wow, that was a long one! Well done getting through it!

The Wonderful Weekend – and – Gem Gets Bossy

June 9, 2013 / enroutetoawesome / 0 Comments

EDIT: Up until this point, En Route had been a forum for Gem to complain bitterly about the school lunches provided in Nagahama. This entry marks the point at which the two of us started journal-keeping; the complaints are still available at Kyuushockers.

By Gem

Kin and I wound up doing some fabulously exciting things in May. Clubbing in Osaka, parties on boats, capsule hotels and trips to Gifu, not to mention lots and lots of travel to all sorts of wonderful festivals.

Trouble is, we’re just not fabulously exciting people. We had a fantastic time at all of these events (which is why we keep getting invited, heaven help us) but we tend to need a bit of time between parties to recharge. This weekend, we did hardly anything… okay, we did go to the firefly festival in Moriyama and we also did a four-hour bike ride yesterday, but that was just the two of us and was strictly local. This weekend has been recovery time. Time to do our housework, time to exercise (hence the bike ride), time to spend together. And we’re both feeling so much better for it. I’m about to plan our menu for the week, Kin is making me a pot of tea and the breadmaker is grunting contentedly to itself in the corner (it’s name is Oinky; when it starts kneading, it sounds like a relaxed truffle pig). When the time comes to go back to school tomorrow, I’ll be ready.

This Week’s “Awwwwww”

This girl’s writing practice sheet might be the cutest thing I’ve seen this year. My favourite is the one in the pool.

This Week’s Nightmare Creation

From the same fourth grade classroom. I’m not 100% sure who’s responsible for this one, but I have a few guesses.

Time at home this weekend has given me a chance to do something else; something I’m about to become demanding about.

Starting Out in Summer – Or – Do Some Gardening, You Lazy Tossers

Southern hemisphere friends can ignore this (although if it’s anyone from my Newcastle, I KNOW you can still get some broccoli and herbs in, not to mention English spinach). I’ve been bossy about this before, as I recall and I’m about to get bossy again. Whether you’re a lazy person or a busy person, there is something all of you need to do with your time:

Grow some bloody herbs

…

Do it!

There.

For a Lazy Person, having a few herbs and greens about the place takes so much stress out of the “Oh crap, people have come over and I have a loaf of bread and two tomatoes. What the fuck am I going to give them?” supply situations our people are so prone to. Toast that bread, chuck some chopped tomato on top with a bit of torn basil and some black pepper and BOOM! Bruschetta! (of sorts…)

For the Busy Person, it makes even more sense; the investment-return ratio for gardening is better than anything I can think of except regular exercise and the biggest cost will be your time (which you always have too much of anyway).

But I Don’t Have A Garden!

Location isn’t that important for either group; I’m one of the laziest people I know, and I’m still sprouting seeds indoors and bunging stuff in scavenged pots on a balcony where my watering can freezes in winter and the surfaces scorch in summer. If you have anything outdoors at all, a courtyard, a wide windowsill, a veranda, you have NO excuse not to grow a few things to make life easier, no matter how lazy you are.

(Unless you don’t ever cook, in which case you’ll get me started on a whole new naggy lecture).

In the Summer Time…

Most of the northern hemisphere has warmed up bee-yoo-tifully by now, which means that it’s the perfect time for a lazy entrance into the world of gardening. Anything you plant now will grow like the blazes, giving you that nice, speedy bit of positive reinforcement so necessary for we lazy folk beginning an endeavour.

My pots are filled with an assortment of winter survivors (like chives, that lurk underground and don’t seem to mind freezing) and spring additions, although I have a lot of work to put in for the summer veg in the near future. The spinach, broccolini and lettuce are producing, we should have our first zucchini and beans this week and I have a new batch of seeds ready to pop in any time. My summer garden is well underway. Let’s start on yours!

Step One – PLAN

What do you want to grow? Of course, everything; but when you consider the time and space you have available, you might want to start limiting your options a bit.

Things to consider are:

– Ease of growing (which is one reason why I recommend starting with herbs; they don’t make unreasonable demands about sunlight, water and weed-free soil AND they grow much faster than many vegetables)

– Ease of access (is this something you can buy cheaply and easily anyway? I’m not growing aubergines, because they are one of the cheapest vegetables available here)

– Availability of space (not just in your garden, but in your food-storage. To me, it is very much worth growing lettuce, just because my fridge is too small to always keep it on hand. Ditto green onions, because they wilt in the crisper. A potato crop, on the other hand, would give me a HUGE storage problem)

Storage is easier in the garden than the fridge; and it’s always there when you need it!

So plan, review and, for the love of Inari, START SMALL. If you get over-enthused and fill up every bed or container you have in the place, it’s likely to all become a bit much the first time you have a bad week and can’t water. A couple of basil plants and some thyme in a pot is a perfectly reasonable beginning and you can keep building from there. I started Spring with chives, lettuce, basil, thyme, oregano, rosemary, flat leaf parsley, broccolini, cucumbers and beans. This has expanded to include zucchini, cherry tomatoes, lemon balm, dill, sage and pak choy and is likely to expand still further.

The other reason to start small is for continued cropping. If you check my balcony photos, you’ll notice quite a few empty pots, or gaps in the current ones. These are for future crops of lettuce and beans, which will be planted a few weeks from now, to ensure a continued supply. If you’ve already filled up all the available space, you’ll have one big harvest, then nothing for a couple of months.

Step Two: PURCHASE (or scavenge or whatever)

The major things you’ll need are containers and soil. (People who have some actual ground to garden in can ignore this bit, but you’d better go out and start preparing a bed. More on this in future posts, if anyone’s interested.)

Containers are fairly easy; if you’re cashed up you can buy some really lovely ones, but even if you’re broke, acquiring containers is as simple as going to your local fruit and vegie shop and requesting their used Styrofoam boxes. Broccoli boxes are best, but don’t forget to cut drainage holes in the bottom! Soil is a little more tricky; if you’re lucky enough to have gardening friends, they may be kind enough to share their compost with you (although don’t bet on it; compost is precious) but to be honest, you’re probably just going to have to buy some. Yes, it’s expensive, but if you work one container at a time, it shouldn’t murder your budget too badly and you will soon start saving grocery money. I purchased the two classy-looking green containers, but scavenged the rest from a neighbour’s large trash pickup.

Fertiliser could also be useful, but isn’t essential. A nice organic liquid one is good for pots, but there are some good granule-types available too, which have the added advantage of being slow release. If you can’t afford fertilisers to begin with, don’t worry about it. Herbs are also lovely and undemanding about nutrition, whatever the label on their seed-packet tries to tell you.

If you’re really broke, apparently human urine can be a good fertiliser for balcony plants, but it needs to be VERY dilute; one part urine to ten parts water. You also need to be sure that there aren’t any nasties in your urine; not simply diseases like hepatitis, but any bits and

There’s WHAT on the rocket?

pieces left over from what you ingest. For example, I use hormonal contraceptives, so there’s no way I can try this out. To be honest, it’s probably safer not to pee near plants you plan to eat, just to avoid the gross-out factor if you realise halfway through your salad that you forgot to wash the lettuce. This method should be fine for flowers and other ornamentals, though.

Step Three: PLANT

The fun bit! But what should you plant, seedlings or seed?

Growing plants from seed is far, far cheaper and can often give healthier, better-growing plants, especially for ones prone to transplant shock. It’s a good way for the experienced or time-rich gardener to go.

HOWEVER: if you’re a first-time grower, I recommend starting with seedlings and potted herbs. You’ll see much faster results and gain much faster satisfaction. We’re lazy people, remember; we need quick rewards to keep ourselves going, especially in the early days. A couple of herbs and a punnet of lettuce and you’ll be eating your own salad in under a month, which is a wonderful bit of positive reinforcement.

I’ve gone with half and half; the beans, cucumber and a lot of the lettuce have been grown from seed, while most of the herbs, the broccoli and four lettuce plants were purchased.

There you go. You’re ready. Omelette aux fines herbes is within your grasp within the next month; IF you get started now.

Get growing!

Gem

Soup and Scheduling

Getting Organised

Basic Soup No 1: Green Velvet

Ingredients:

Method:

Gratitude

Accepting the costs

Active Gratitude

When Activity is Hard

My Awesome Five

Stop Feeling Like A Jerk

I’m Sorry

The Bad Boss

Being The Bad Boss

Being the Good Boss

Expecting the Unrealistic

I Hate Myself

I Hate Everyone Else

Staying Real

Basically…

Stop Acting Like a Jerk

I’m… I’m what?

Not acting like a jerk: 101

Effort doesn’t matter. Results do.

Turning effort into result

But what do I get?

By Kin

I wasn’t very awesome this morning.

Harden up, princess

And that’s it.

The Power of Will

Willpower is for Wimps

Limited Choice (and Ultimate Power)

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